The Glass Illusion
by claudiaEB
Summary: "Chapter 4 finally up!!" -Takes place during “Attack of the clones”, a Anakin and Padme fanfiction of course, and concentrates more about their thoughts. Thoughts that they’ll never forget. For example what they thought when they saw each other.....
1. Chapter 1

1 The Glass Illusion  
  
  
  
Takes place during "Attack of the clones", a Anakin and Padme fanficiton of course, and concentrates more about their thoughts. Thoughts that they'll never forget. For example what they thought when they saw each other.  
  
I wrote this story because I thought that the book and movie didn't explain so much why Padme and Anakin fell llove. This story is therefore more about their feelings and what they think of each other and the persons that surround them  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 1  
  
  
  
  
  
He was standing in front of me. Eyes as blue as Naboo's summer sky, his golden hair casting bright gleams in the room he stepped into, a straight composure, showing the intelligence and strong personality he had.  
  
  
  
He looked around the room, at the persons by my side, with a brief glimpse, but his gaze was on me, drinking the sweet view as his eyes traced over the features of my young face.  
  
  
  
  
  
That is how I saw him the first second I lay my eyes on him, thinking; Who is this young man? That question grinded my mind as I greeted the old man next to him, who I indeed recognised though he once had saved my home, the dearest thing to my heart, which once had been a prison filled with honour and love, and which now represented my escape from reality.  
  
  
  
It was my sharpness which made me remain my post, and not humiliate my self for asking the gentle men beside me what the name of this young man was, though humility would replace my curiosity.  
  
  
  
I turned my head, slightly, and my eyes met his. A faint memory clouded my mind as I, forgetting myself, asked with a surprised voice; "Ani?"  
  
  
  
The name had just slipped from my tong, though I thought that I had forgotten that sweet  
  
small boy who had small place deep into my heart, even though I wasn't aware of it.  
  
  
  
  
  
Doubt filled my eyes, as I looked at this young man, who with almost bowed head took a step forward, not answering my abrupt question. Suddenly he dared to raise his head, and once again I met his eyes as a smile I remembered began to form in his face.  
  
  
  
  
  
"My goodness you've grown", I added, the chock of seeing little Anakin infront of me dispersing all matters and rules that a senator as I should have,  
  
  
  
  
  
Obi Wan Kenobi, my old friend and saviour of my planet with the boy who now has become a man, stepped aside letting young Anakin Skywalker step forward and take his place beside his Jedi master.  
  
  
  
  
  
I saw a slight blush cover his cheeks, but what captivated me the most was when seeing the old bright blink in the eyes of this young padawan, making me go backwards ten years when I only was fourteen and he only nine.  
  
  
  
  
  
That time seemed now like another lifetime, how young I had been and what a great responsibility I had had on my slender shoulders. I doze of into memories of my days as a queen, but was soon brought back when hearing a gentle and soft voice speaking to me.  
  
  
  
  
  
"So have you, more beautiful, I mean…-"  
  
  
  
  
  
I was slightly taking back by his remark so I just smiled, knowing that it would be unseemly to say thank you infront of Sio Bibble, master Kenobi and the senators from Illianass that surrounded me. The young padawan saw the confusion in my eyes, as his blush grew deeper.  
  
  
  
  
  
"…. Shorter for a senator, I mean".  
  
  
  
  
  
His voice had turned to a more unsecured tone, though he quickly noticed the disapproving glimpse from master Kenobi and the amuse faces on the senators and Sio Bibble. I was soon reminded of the little Anakin as I saw the padawan infront of me bit his lip of regret.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Oh, Ani, you'll always be that little boy from Tatooine!" I laughed, referring it as a compliment. But seeing the young padawan bend his head I understood that he had understood it differently.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Milady", Obi Wan Kenobi coughed, steeping forward.  
  
  
  
  
  
What Obi Wan said I understood very well, my life was in danger and his and this young padawan's skills would be my security during this time. Once again I put my mask on and gone was now the even slightest hint of my true self which this young man had brought by his mere presence. 


	2. Chapter 2

The Glass Illusion  
  
  
  
Takes place during "Attack of the clones", a Anakin and Padme fanfiction of course, and concentrates more about their thoughts. Thoughts that they'll never forget. For example what they thought when they saw each other. I wrote this story because I thought that the book and movie didn't explain so much why Padme and Anakin fell in love. This story is therefore more about their feelings and what they think of each other and the persons that surround them  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 2  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
She stood there, greeting my master, not noticing me. Maybe she had forgotten about me, forgotten that I had once saved her planet and that I had become Obi Wan's padawan.  
  
I breathed in her beauty, avoiding the feeling of disappointment. So many years had gone by, but in her presence I felt once again like the same insecure nine year old boy I had been a long time ago.  
  
  
  
"What is this kind of woman?" I asked myself while observing her every moves and gestures.  
  
  
  
My speculations of her when I was nine years old were indeed right. She was a heavinlic creature, with a pure graceful personality which illuminated brightly; a substitute of an adorn for what was needed to believe that she was not a human being like I. Even in my child eyes I had noticed the unique individual that was inside that beautiful shelter.  
  
  
  
Her eyes were smiling, as her lips curled into a sweet politely smile, still not seeing to me, still not turning her attention to me. An anger deep inside of me began to heat up and rise, and I was barely able to behold my discipline and formality that a Jedi Padawan was taught to have.  
  
  
  
I swallowed hard, praying that my master hadn't felt the disturbance; the wave of unbalance in me through the force. I was a Jedi and I Jedi must have control.  
  
  
  
As I suffocated and minimised the feeling of hatred inside of me into a hard and small ball, which I buried deep inside of me, I saw at last her eyes glance from Master Kenobi to me, eyes filled with...curiosity? Didn't she recognise me?  
  
  
  
My master finally saw her wandering gaze, and smiled, taking a small step at the side. His brown shoulder length hair, with streaks of grey hair, matched the light blue eyes, which glistered misheviously. His face not giving any hint of embarrassment from his side as his nervous Padawan learner took a step forward, with a slight blush covering his cheeks.  
  
  
  
My heart throbbed fast against my chest, and my mouth did indeed not want to cooperate, as my eyes darted on her face, meeting her tender gaze of indeed curiosity and...appreciation?  
  
  
  
I bent my head slightly to avoid her eyes, that made me loose any kind of control, that almost obligated me to rush to her and make her understand that it was me, Anakin Skywalker. The boy who she met in possible one of the darkest periods of her life. The boy who "saw" her, Padme, through the mask of security. The boy who felt the warmest and most tenderness feeling for her, even though he indeed did not understand the meaning of that feeling towards someone like her, though he was just a boy. A boy...who had now grown up.  
  
  
  
"Ani!?", she said in voice of astonishing, bringing me back to reality and making me almost forget that that was my name. I took a step forward, forcing my feet to move.  
  
  
  
I raised my head, also that taking her by surprise, since when seeing my face more clearly now she didn't need my confirmation that I was indeed Anakin Skywalker. A tingling feeling developed my being, my soul when seeing a hint of recognition in her face. I smiled, a smile which I felt came directly from my heart. A smile which I now knew could only be brought by her.  
  
"My Goodness You've grown", she continued, her voice unmasking the truth that she still couldn't believe that It was I who was Ani, Anakin Skywalker. Somehow that gave me a feeling of control, of being superior.  
  
  
  
"So have you", I began, but before I knew it my eyes met hers and words floated out from my mouth before I could prevent them"...more beautiful I mean", the damage was already done as I received a disapproving look from my master, which made it even worse as my cheeks flushed red even more, putting me in an embarrassing situation. I quickly had to think of a solution.  
  
"...and shorter...for a senator I mean", I mumbled, though it was meant to be a yoke I quickly remembered who I really was; a padawan learner studying to become a Jedi Knight. Which of course made it improper to actually behave like that, specially towards a Senator of high sociality and standard as the senator from Naboo, Padme Amidala.  
  
The situation become tense in quick second, but when a beautiful light hearted laugh tingled in the majestic apartment from the smiling senator, everything came back to normal. I sensed that everyone, including Master Kenobi, relaxed. The fear of that Padme Amidala wouldn't approve that kind of yoke towards her vanished, and even I smiled back. But that didn't last much.  
  
"Oh Ani", she said, repeating my forgotten nickname for the second time. A name which I now found difficult to be associated with"...You'll always be that little boy from Tatooine"  
  
I bent my head quickly, taking a step back. Deaf of what Obi Wan said to her, deaf of the steps they were taking towards the purple sofas, a typical colour in Couruscant. I could only hear my heart beat of anger, embarrassment and...sadness.  
  
All my expectations of how she would react when she saw me again, after ten years, were gone, dismissed with those words. All those dreams, of how she would smile, what she would say...and how she would look at me...were vanished. All I could feel was...nothing, nothing anymore. I was back at my role as the learning padawan, Obi Wan's young apprentice, a faint memory of the child who had been a slave, the child who had saved her planet, the child...who never had forgotten about her, who never had forgotten her name.  
  
But that child was gone...I was his replace, Anakin Skywalker. And I was not a slave...I was Jedi.  
  
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Please review everyone who reads this story...it doesn't take much time...tell me if you liked it....or not.... 


	3. Chapter 3

The Glass Illusion  
  
  
  
Takes place during "Attack of the clones", a Anakin and Padme fanfiction of course, and concentrates more about their thoughts. Thoughts that they'll never forget. For example what they thought when they saw each other. I wrote this story because I thought that the book and movie didn't explain so much why Padme and Anakin fell in love. This story is therefore more about their feelings and what they think of each other and the persons that surround them  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 3  
  
  
  
I have always taken my future for granted, my life. Not obvious of the threats and occasions that could have ended my time, that could have destroyed others in the process. Somehow I have never been able to see what which many people have assured me. My eyes didn't go that far...I think that they still don't.  
  
I have always been sure about myself, my dreams my goals that I created in an early age, though I now know that I was indeed to young. All the things that I wanted to achieve was in a near reach for me, that's how I saw it... and see it still.  
  
Some desires, dreams are my moral support, they are what always make me relax or comforts me when my beloved are not near. They are what I call my time of escape, my way of disappearing for a while. They are a safe net, something I'd built when I became conscious of what surrounded me when I returned home. What I grew up with, what I've now lost.  
  
I know that I can come back, but it's not the same, though I now have a different lifestyle. Deep in my heart I know that those dreams are impossible for me to achieve . I have always known it.  
  
But as I think about it now, escaping from myself, I can't help thinking how it would be living in those dreams. I shake my head in protest, forbidding myself of thinking about that here, now, when I'm in a run from what I call my life, having my dearest friend playing what could cost her life, my grandest achievement threatening to be destroyed... it's impossible to think about that now.  
  
I turn my head slightly noticing several human beings in the ship, but the majority are species from other galaxies. I sort of notice a little boy who is looking at me from a small distance. He is holding his mother's hand, who is talking with a species who I think by the looks come from the planet Angora, in the Legoea galaxy.  
  
My eyes dart on this boy's face, whose eyes glow of a light shade colour of blue. His hair has been rather rough cut. He has a blue vest and matching trousers, but what captivates me most are the eyes. His mother pass by my eyes, not under my interest.  
  
I look down at my hands, I'm ashamed to recognise it... but somehow my gaze is afraid to meet this little boy's. I feel an ache in my heart, why I don't know. Maybe he makes me remember something I can never have. Maybe he is just an old picture from my past...  
  
My thoughts are interrupted my small sounds, from the small bed, next to the table I'm sitting at. Within a second I raise up, the golden dress with several shades of yellow and casual forms of squares, trails behind me as I walk up to my guardian, who I haven't met for ten years. Ten long years, which makes me remember how old I have become since the last time I saw him.  
  
I see that he is sweating, and he is mumbling a name, which I can't put my finger on where I have heard it. I put my hand over his forehead, brushing away his hair smoothly. Somehow my eyes betray me in this very moment, and what I see instead of this twenty year old young man, is a little nine year old boy, who is cold, who is afraid of what might come. Whose heart and life has been ripped out from his home.  
  
Somehow he makes me remember of myself.  
  
I whisper soothing words, not too close to his ears, and not too far from his face. I comfort him how I had wished to be comfort many times.  
  
Suddenly he opens his eyes, his hole soul open before my eyes and what I see are two pools of blue water, sinking in my gaze, slowly. I can see a hint of surprise in his face, I see pain and sorrow, ... and I also see something more... but what it is I can't define.  
  
I move away, suddenly afraid.  
  
He sits up, waiting for an answer, or perhaps a question. But what I do is walk up to my chair, sitting on it, feeling his blue eyes piercing on me.  
  
"You were having a nightmare", I say, turning my attention to the piping blue droid, R2D2, who hands me a bowl of soup.  
  
Anakin doesn't give me a straight answer, he keeps quiet, and eventually sits down on the chair in front of me. I lower my eyes... understanding that this is a subject he wishes not to discuss about.  
  
"Are you hungry?", I ask instead, smiling at him.  
  
He nodes his head, rubbing away sleep from his eyes. That simply gesture captivates my attention somehow... as I stare at him, at his face, his mouth, his eyes... this is not Anakin Skywalker... it couldn't be.  
  
"I look forward to seeing Naboo again. It's by far the most beautiful place I've ever seen.", he says, closing his eyes as if seeing my dear planet before his eyes, breathing in a sentence which I cannot smell...  
  
"You were just a little boy then it may not be as you remember it," I say, taking a spoon of the warm soup." ....time changes your perception"  
  
Anakin looks at me, a look which makes me feel uncomfortable, the same gaze he gave me in Couruscant when we first met, the same gaze he gave me in private in my apartment with only my handmaid as an audience. A gaze which shows all his emotions all at once... and I wonder....Isn't he afraid of showing his soul so openly?  
  
"Time has given me more mature feelings to enhance my perception", he answers, searching for my eyes, for a connection, but I keep them on the soup, my hands, everywhere except for his blue eyes.  
  
"It must be difficult having sworn your life to the Jedi...", I say, in attempt to break the silence that somehow has crept behind us, surrounding us and making me feel as if I'm trapped in a dungeon and may never come out..."...not being able to visit the places you like... or do the things you like..."  
  
"...or be with the people I love", he adds, leaning over the table, forcing me to look at him.  
  
"Are you allowed to love?", I reply quickly, taking him by surprise, " I thought that was forbidding for a Jedi"  
  
He leans back, giving me a crooked smile, his eyes clouded somehow." Attachment I forbidden. Possession if forbidden", he sighs, looks down at his hand, just to raise his eyes and meeting mine." Compassion which I would describe as unconditional love, is central to a Jedi's life, so you might say that we're encouraged to love.  
  
I shake my head slowly, lowering my eyes once again." You've change so much".  
  
"You haven't changed a bit", he responds, with a shield of energy by every word he pronounces, making me somehow....nervous." You're exactly the way I remember you in my dreams...", his words pacing down to a bare whisper.  
  
I do not dare to say anything. I do not dare to raise my head, afraid of meeting something that I don't want to see, but what he obviously wants me to notice... or does he? What is to notice when nothing is revealed, nothing to base your suspicion on?  
  
He is just a boy.  
  
At that moment I turn my head to the little person from a small distance, who still is looking at me from his blue eyes, so much like the colour of the young man in front of me. His very young face, smiling.  
  
I forget my fear, my past, and smile back at this little boy. No words are needed at this moment. But my smile dismiss when his mother takes him roughly by the hand and walks away with him.  
  
My gaze return to my now cold soup. And I still don't look up.  
  
  
  
To be continue....  
  
So dear readers, thank you for the reviews, and I will indeed appreciate if you when reading this chapter review.....please, please, please....you don't know how much I love reviews!!!!!!  
  
REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!!! It doesn't take much time....review if you liked it...or not... 


	4. Chapter 4

The Glass Illusion  
  
  
  
Takes place during "Attack of the clones", a Anakin and Padme fanfiction of course, and concentrates more about their thoughts. Thoughts that they'll never forget. For example what they thought when they saw each other. I wrote this story because I thought that the book and movie didn't explain so much why Padme and Anakin fell in love. This story is therefore more about their feelings and what they think of each other and the persons that surround them  
  
  
  
Chapter 4  
  
  
  
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When I was a child I remember that I used to feel safe as long as I had the love of my mother, her comfort, her presence. I used to breath in her sentence and curl in her lap, dozing of into peaceful dream, knowing that she'll be there when I wake up. How she used to caress my face and sing a lullaby, even though I was nine years old and too old.  
  
I loved the way she would always care for me, how she would worry when Watto punished me when I forgot to clean the Drumhill speed or when I lost in the Pod Race when competing, always with a strong wish to win... to be admired and forget for a moment that I was a slave, a property of someone. I used to imagine her furrowed forehead when I was flying away in the desert, in fast speed avoiding blocks of rocks and the cheap tricks that Sebulba always played with. And I remember that I used to smile as she hug me after coming back, safe, and making me promise her that I would never race anymore.  
  
But it wasn't in my position to decide that. It was Watto, and that's the only reason why I was quite pleased to have him as my master.  
  
"Master", I never called him by that name. And as far as I know my mother didn't either. Even though she had been a slave her hole life, she was too proud to lower down to that level.  
  
How I truly loved my mother, and I still do, though I'm far away from her. I love her still... and miss her. I still remember that painful day when I left her behind, not once looking back though she had pleaded me to not do so. And I did. With tears running along my cheeks I stared right forward, at the tall shape of the man who freed me... who torn me away from my mother. But it was my decision.  
  
I know it.  
  
So all this years I've tried to look forward, to not look back once, trying to forget my past, my time as a slave. But my mother's face is still a vivid memory in my mind though , a memory which I never wish to forget. Never.  
  
I close my eyes, as the dream I had dreamt constantly this past days plays before my head, as a nightmare which I'm incapable to prevent, a nightmare with an approaching end.  
  
I keep seeing her, my mother, I feel her pain, her sorrow, her agony...but most of all the one thing that captivates me the most, what makes my heart stop it's beating, what makes me even stop breathing, the last thing I hear before I wake up screaming is when I hear her, through gritted teeth of pain but with a love so obvious through the clouded painful eyes, say ; "I love you Ani, always remember that"  
  
"Ani?", a smooth voice says with concern, as my thoughts about my mother vanish away in the mild Naboo breezing. I open my eyes and before them I see her, sitting in front of me, looking at me with narrowed eyes. I look at her... and her gaze wanders away to one of the mountains that raise behind us with all it's green decoration.  
  
Every time I see her my heart suddenly begins to bump fast, I won't deny it, and I remain still, wondering, as all my previous worries disappear. My mind gets blocked, I'm not longer able to think, my mouth gets dry, my lips are no longer able to speak, and all I see and feel is her. Does she even know what kind of influence she has on me?  
  
"Are you all right?", she asks, looking over the lake with it's many shapes, though it reflects the beautiful environment that encloses us from everywhere. Not even once glancing at my direction.  
  
"The view is fantastic", I say instead, turning my head to the shimmering blue water that surrounds us and the trees and flowers, as I breath in their senses."... I had almost forgotten that everywhere you went you could still smell the sense of roses...."  
  
She nods, turning her head and avoiding my eyes. Something she's done every time I say something and look at her. Not that it matters to me, though it only gives me the opportunity to observe her face, her every move.  
  
Her picture before my eyes is pierced in my mind, a part of the many memories I collected when being in early age and shall never forget about. Memories which I took out when I felt lonely, every time my heart ached. She has been my saviour. Does she know that?  
  
She has a floating strapless dress, pale white pacing of into soft pink. Her beautiful hair is drawn back. She smiles at me, when the lake retreat raise before us, and for the first time since we came to Naboo she dares to meet my eyes.  
  
"How I have missed this place", she whispers, looking over to the magnificent building that stands over a blooming hill, as the sun slowly goes down over the horizon, it's light melting with the bright colourful blue sky, burning with all it's fire as red and purple streaks disperse all over.  
  
I do not dare to say anything, afraid of destroying the magical moment that passes before my eyes.  
  
The boat, stops by a small shore where a handmaiden is waiting. Padme is anxious to get off, her happy face shining like a thousand suns all together. I jump off, almost falling over though I want to reach out my hand for her to take it when she goes off, before the driver does it.  
  
My heart almost breaks in two, as I when turning around, see her kiss the old and shabby man on the forehead and thanking him for the wonderful trip. Somehow that innocent gesture feels like as if two iron hands have taken my heart in a tight grip and crush it with all it's mighty power.  
  
I look away. Forgetting that it wanted to take her hand.  
  
The handmaiden asks me something as I try to ignore the previous sight, I don't captivate much of what she says, but it was obliviously something about the bags since without another more word she takes hold of the two simple packages and goes away with them.  
  
"Ani", Padme says, making me to turn to her, and quickly I forget my feelings of sadness and anger, as I gaze at the divine creature." Do you want to look around?"  
  
I nod my head, following her small figure as she begins to walk. I follow her, reaching up and walking beside her. Somehow my mind tells me to think about something to talk about, but my lack of words at that moment prevents me from doing it.  
  
All I see is her. And she doesn't even notice it.  
  
"When I was in Level Three," Padme begins, looking right forward at the balustrade with the view over the lake", we used to come here for school retreat. See that island? We used to swim there every day. I love the water."  
  
"I do too", I say, clearing my throat and forcing myself to look away from her" I guess it comes from growing up in a desert planet."  
  
Padme doesn't comment on the irony of my voice. She's still smiling, as if she has forgotten that I'm walking beside her, it's as if she's seeing memories in front of her, good memories, happy memories of her life as a child. A life were I'm not included.  
  
She leans over the balustrade and points at the small island, as I take my place beside her, feeling a deep desire to come nearer, though I do not dare. "There it is..."  
  
She keeps smiling, as I turn to see her clearer. She isn't obvious of my presence, so I let my eyes wander over her delightful face slowly. Feeling dazed, as if I was in a lovely dream I never wish to wake up from.  
  
"We used to lie down on the sand and let the sun dry us, feeling it's warmth, feeling life.living.", she whispers, looking over the shimmering lake. A blank expression covering her eyes.  
  
"Life isn't only about living", I say harshly, making her to turn to me. She looks at me and sees perhaps the pain in my eyes, as I look into hers and see what she so many times has tried to hide. Herself. " The sun doesn't shine for everyone.Life is about suffer, responsibility, sorrow, loss."  
  
She looks down, perhaps my words wounded her, made her think who she was, where she was.  
  
".and that isn't living", my words pace off, as I look away, trying to calm down the empty feeling of loss deep in my heart. To let it suffocate, but I can still hear her words, soothingly whispering " I love you Ani, always remember that" and despite my great desire of finally being here, in this place with a beloved memory from my past, vivid beside me, I feel guilt, pure guilt.it isn't fair.it is just not fair.  
  
I feel soft fingers caress my face, the warmth of the fingertips slowly tracing down to my chest, where my heart beats fast, my mouth not able to speak, as I gaze into the bowed head, who gently touches the very deep of my soul.  
  
"Anakin", she whispers, looking deep into my eyes, her own with a film of tears". a part of living is to feel, to see, to remember. to choose your path in life, accepting your destiny, your past.living."  
  
I take the small hand in mine, slowly, as I gently grip it tighter. Somehow I feel like the same unsecured little boy, crying on a beloved's shoulder, crying for his recently loss, crying for the new path that has been planted in his life, crying for the reason of being lost.  
  
I close my eyes, feeling the smooth fingers caress my face, it's a friendly touch, an innocent gesture, she knows it, even though I feel through the force the grand hesitation in her soul.. she knows that I am no longer a little boy.  
  
I turn my head slightly, wishing that she won't walk back. I still feel the soft skin beneath my fingers, though I still hold my hand over hers. And that is when I slowly and trembling press my dry lips to the smooth palm, with still closed eyes, afraid of seeing fear or devastation in her eyes, as my heart bumps even faster.  
  
Her words do not ever come out, it is as if the slight mild breezing caught them in thin air. I dare to open my eyes, but when I meet her gaze as she keeps staring me with narrowed eyes, she yanks away her hand, as if she has been burned. and turn away her two windows into her soul from me.  
  
"I'm sorry", I whisper hoarsely, as I back away. Reality surrounding me from everywhere.  
  
"Don't be", she answers, not looking at my direction. "Don't be Anakin, don't be"  
  
I turn around and go, hearing the footsteps of my feet on the ground go faster, finding myself running. Running away from something that has opened a forbidden door in my heart, a door which would have never been opened.  
  
To be continue.  
  
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So what you think??? Review, review. hey, I wanted to say that the kiss will be..something.really trust me you'll live it.I'm going with the plot but some of the terrible line that were in the film will be gone..NOW review, please!!!! It's very important to me!!!  
  
Claudia 


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